everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
