I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
