i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
