Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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