drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
