So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
