forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
