my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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