Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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