I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
