I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
