I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
God, I missed his penis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
