i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
