I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
