so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
