I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
