it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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