theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
