i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
