It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
