I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
