I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
