There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
third nipple confirmed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
