She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
im on a boat
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