dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A+ Viking dick
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
