Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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