Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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