i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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