its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
