we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
