I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
