There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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