I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
