Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
