Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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