she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
