I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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