I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
