Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
