so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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