hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
