So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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