I must be too annoying 4 u.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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