I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What drink are we having for lunch?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
