My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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