she was so not down for the gang bang
i barfeds in our rink
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
