Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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