Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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