Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
