so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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