I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
