you guys were way drunker than both of me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
